Chovot Halevovot: The Connection of Torah

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Yitzchak Cohen 

The Gemara says, “There are three keys that Hashem did not give over to agents.” They are, techiyat hameisim (resurrection of the dead), childbirth, and rain.

One can clearly see Hashem through rain. When there’s a drought, people realize that Hashem is in control. Rain is a direct blessing from Him. If it’s not coming down, it’s because of our sins.

Although Hashem does many miracles for us every day, the best proof that He exists is the Torah. In birchat hamazon we say, “Ki ein machsor l’rei’av.” If you fear Hashem, you have no deficiency. Torah brings us to yirat shamayim because Torah demonstrates the existence of the Hashem.

The Gemara says that at Har Sinai the Jews accepted the Torah out of fear. Years later after the Purim miracle they accepted the Torah out of love. Why wasn’t there a complete acceptance immediately at Har Sinai? The Torah is a part of creation. Just as we have no control over creation, initially the Torah too had to be against our will so that subsequently we would look at the world through the Torah lens and recognize Hashem on our own.

 

 

Love Your Neighbor- To What Extent?

Based on a Naaleh.com series by Rabbi Hanoch Teller: Honorable Mentchen II

Chesed is normally translated as loving kindness, but it’s more. A secular government can legislate laws such as not speeding or not killing. It cannot, however, expect people to act in a conjointly sense of ‘we’ on behalf of the community.

The Rambam teaches that “V’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha” (Loving ones fellow Jew) means caring about someone’s monetary possessions. The mitzvah also includes praising others. However, the Chafetz Chaim cautions us to be careful as excessive praise is likely to generate negative comments.

It can be hard to feel happy for someone when their fortune soars and to feel sad when their situation plummets. To fulfill the mitzvah of V’ahavta l’reicha one must work on obliterating his feelings of jealousy.

The Baal Shem Tov explained this mitzvah to mean that your behavior towards someone else should be based on the other person’s likes and dislikes, not your own.

The Gemara explains a pasuk in Chabakuk, “V’hatznea lechet im Elokecha.” You shall walk modestly with Hashem. This refers to burying the dead and helping a bride get married. At some weddings the focus is not on the other person but on yourself. What do they think about me? How do I look? V’haznea lechet teaches us that we are there for the other person.

Loving ones fellow Jew includes being hospitable to guests. We should do more than just providing a meal. We should look out for their needs, correct someone for doing something people would consider odd, chastise someone for sinning, lend money or other articles, pray for those in need, save someone from injury, greet people with a happy countenance, teach Torah, and share good news. A craftsman fulfills this mitzvah when he has in mind to do his best work for the benefit of his customer. A doctor fulfills this commandment when he heals someone.

On one of his travels Rav Moshe Leib Sassover entered a tavern. He heard a Russian horse trader say to his companion, “Igor I love you.” Igor tearfully replied, “No you don’t. If you really loved me you’d know what I am lacking.” Rav Moshe Leib learned a great lesson. True ahavat yisrael means being concerned about what the other person is missing and truly caring about them.

Sefirat Haomer Liberation of the Mind

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Hanoch Teller

There are two terms for work in Hebrew, avodah and melacha. The Ramban explains that melacha

is purposeful work which produces a finished product, while avodah is labor that has no defined objective. The term eved, a slave, is a derivative of avodah. An eved is one who works with no goal or accomplishments to show for his efforts. His agenda is that of his master’s. When Hashem redeemed the Jews from Egypt he not only freed them from slavery, but from the senseless avodah they were forced to do.

The Jews were commanded to erect two cities, Pitom and Ramses. The Gemara teaches that they were built on quicksand. As soon as they were completed, they sunk into the earth. The Egyptians intended to torture and degrade the Jews with senseless labor. When Bnei Yisrael left Egypt they were finally freed of this avdut. They gained new purpose and became true servants of Hashem.

Erich Fromm noted, “Freedom without freedom for, is not freedom at all.” The seder, the feast of liberation, is bound by laws. There are halachot about the matzot, the korban pesach, the wine, and the marror. Chazal understood that for one to be truly free there must be a purpose. Otherwise a person becomes enslaved to his passions. On the first night of Pesach we savor the freedom to chart our own destiny. On the next night we start counting the omer, working our way towards the goal of matan Torah.

Freedom and discipline are partners. Self-control is achieved by establishing a point of contentment.

Chazal say, “Eizehu ashir hasameach b’chelko.” A rich man is someone who rejoices with his lot.

If we constantly look at others and what they have, we will never be happy.

The Baal Shem Tov told a story of a man who was climbing up a mountain with a heavy load on his shoulder. He looked up at the summit and saw that he was still very far away and he began to feel despondent. The Baal Shem Tov then said, “Instead of looking ahead, look back and see how far you’ve traveled. That will give you the strength to keep on going.”

A person should look inside himself to see who he can become. The happiest people are so busy doing things. They have no time to think if they are happy. One must train oneself to always be joyous and not make it dependent on anything.

Many things happen beyond our control, but you can always control how you will react. The most important component to achieve happiness is gratitude. Gratitude is related to expectation. The more you expect the less grateful you’ll be. The less you expect the more grateful you’ll be.

We have the obvious edge. Judaism is based on appreciation. The Gemara says, “Mishenechnas Adar marbim b’simcha.” (When Adar comes we increase our joy.) It also says, “Mishnenchnas

av m’mamatim b’simcha.” (When Av comes we decrease our joy.). The Kotzker Rebbe questions, should it not say marbim b’aveilut (mourning is increased)? He explains that the baseline for a Jew is always simcha (joy).

Start your day off with gratitude by saying Modeh Ani with passion. Say the blessings with intention and train your children to do so too.

The days of sefirah are an auspicious time to work on yourself. Avoid comparing yourself to others, and having high expectations. Engage in self-discipline and develop gratitude. May we reach sheleimut (perfection) in our avodat Hashem (serving Hashem).

Parshat Tazria and Metzora: Mirror Image

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Mrs. Shira Smiles

Why did the Torah specifically designate the kohen to determine the status of a nega (leprosy spot)?

Tzaraat was not a physical disease but rather a sign of a spiritual malady within the person. For that one needed to go to a spiritual source for help, to a kohen. The kohanim represent those who teach Torah. They are our spiritual guides. It’s difficult for a person to admit his faults. This is why the Torah says, “V’huva el hakohen.” The metzora is brought to the kohen. The kohen was meant to guide the metzorah on the path to repentance.

Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz explains the Targum Unkeles which describes the metzora as an adam segira, a person who is closed in. Often a person with a spiritual illness refuses to listen to other people. Haughtiness is the quintessential sign of an impure person. Therefore, the way to respond was, “V’huva el hakohen,” He must nullify himself before the tzaddik. He must recognize his need for guidance.

Rav Pliskin writes that the kohen would teach the person how to pray to the Almighty for help. In addition, he himself would pray for the welfare of the person. This is a lesson for all of us. When we are faced with challenges, we must seek out a spiritual guide. We must look for someone who can point out the areas where we need to improve. We must ask for advice about what to pray for and ask him to pray for us too.

The Shaarei Chaim explains that when the kohen pronounced the person tameh (impure), the pronouncement created the tumah (impurity). The moment the kohen pronounced the person impure, the laws of impurity were activated and he could begin fixing himself.

The Noam Elimelech notes that the kohen was the spiritual mentor of the people. The names of the different kinds of tzaraat wounds indicate the different desires people have to connect to Hashem. Se’eit a person who wants to connect with Hashem, sapachat is one who yearns for attachment, baheret is one who has a light within him that desires to connect to Hashem. They want to bond with Hashem but it’s only external. They don’t have the right intentions. These people would also go to the kohen to help turn their avodat Hashem into something deeper and more meaningful.

Parshat Achrei Mot / Kedoshim: Living Kedusha

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Mrs. Shira Smiles

In Parshat Kedoshim the Torah tells us, “Kedoshim tiheyu ki kadosh ani.” You shall be holy, for I am holy. How do we define kedusha (sanctity)?

The Mikdash Halevi notes that at the beginning of the parsha it says, “Daber el kol adat bnei Yisrael.” Speak to the entire assemblage. This is to emphasize that each and every one of us is commanded to be holy. We are all enjoined to strive towards kedusha by doing mitzvot. We don’t have to do something above and beyond the extraordinary. Specifically through our everyday encounters and interaction with Hashem and other people we can reach holiness.

At the end of the parsha it says, “Ushemartem et chukotai ani Hashem mikadeshchem.” If you keep my ordinances and do them, then I will sanctify you. The process begins with a person’s own efforts and culminates with Hashem lifting him up.

The Ramban maintains that the concept of holiness is not limited to the observance of any specific category of commandments. Rather, it’s an admonition that one’s approach to all aspects of life be governed by moderation, particularly with things that are permitted. Someone who only observes the letter of the law can easily become a naval b’reshut haTorah, a degenerate with the permission of the Torah. Such a person can observe the technical requirements of the Torah while surrendering to self-indulgence and gluttony. The commandment to be holy tells us, “Kadesh azmecha b’mutar lach.” Sanctify yourself by refraining from too much of what is permitted. Kedusha is about living a life of moderation.

The sefer Sam Derech notes that the end of the Ramban gives us a deeper understanding of kedusha. The Torah often gives us specifics and then a general statement. In Devarim there are many different prohibitions of interacting with people. The Torah then says, “V’asita hayashar v’hatov.” You shall do deeds that are upright and good in the eyes of Hashem. Kedusha is about looking at the totality, the larger scheme. Our actions should be guided by a sense of what is fair and good in Hashem‘s eyes. How to do so in any given situation depends on the sensitivity of the individual, for it is impossible to spell out all alternatives and situations. “V’asita hasher v’hatov” means investigating and trying to understand what the Torah is really asking of us. Being holy means having an understanding of what Hashem wants from us. It’s easy to go through life following the strict letter of the law, but kedusha demands that we ask ourselves about the larger picture, the background, the sensitivity that Hashem wants us to develop.

The Torah is not just teaching us do’s and don’ts. It gives us a rubric on how to transform ourselves as individuals.

Chodesh Iyar: Love From a Distance

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Hershel Reichman 

According to the Zohar, each of the twelve months of the year corresponds to one of the twelve tribes of Yaakov. The month of Nisan corresponds to Reuven, the month of Iyar, to Shimon, and the month of Sivan to Levi.

The Shem Mishmuel explains the significance of these associations. Reuven signifies the concept of vision. Shimon connotes the concept of listening. Seeing creates a greater sense of awareness than just hearing. While listening is just hearsay evidence, visual observation is clear and precise.

In Nissan there is a close, firsthand awareness of Hashem and his connection to us. Iyar is a month of great distance. We mourn the tragic loss of the students of Rabbi Akiva and the loss of the beit hamikdash, which that terrible event represented.

Although it seems we are far from our beloved king, we shouldn’t in any way think that Iyar is really worse than Nissan. The period of Sefirat haOmer is a time of inner work and elevation. Hashem placed the soul in this world so that it would struggle to search and ultimately find its Creator. Overcoming difficulties unleashes untapped energies and causes a person to grow.

Sefer Micha states, “Ki eishev ba’choshech Hashem or li.” When I sit in darkness, Hashem is my light. In Nissan, the Shechina came down to us, turned night into day, and redeemed and uplifted us. In Iyar we must search for Him by rededicating ourselves to the yoke of Torah and mitzvot. Through our own efforts we can rise even higher.

Sivan is the month of Levi, who signifies connection. We rediscover our bond with Hashem, which is now stronger as a result of our struggle to come close to Him during Iyar. Once again, we re-accept the Torah, which binds every level of a Jew’s soul to Hashem.

There’s a symbolic representation of the three months in the mazalot, the astrological representations of the heavenly constellations. Nisan is a sheep, Iyar is an ox and Sivan is twins.

The sheep is a pampered animal, well cared for by its master. This represents our intimate relationship with Hashem in Nissan. In Nissan he redeemed us from Egypt, led us into the desert and provided for all our needs.

An ox is a hard working animal. Iyar is a time of struggle and difficult inner work. Although we may not see results immediately, we are enjoined to fulfill our duty. Accepting the yoke of Torah without necessarily feeling pleasure or satisfaction is such an important lesson. We must know that we have a commitment that is not based on good feelings. As difficult as it may seem, eventually we will reap the rewards.

Sivan is the month of twins. The verse in Shir Hashirim refers to klal Yisrael as “my perfect one.” The midrash rereads tamati, meaning my perfect, as te’omati, my twin. Hashem sings the praises of Israel. When we receive the Torah, we discover incredible spiritual wells of goodness and holiness within us. A personwho develops and perfects his tzelem Elokim according to the ways of the Torah becomes a twin image of his Creator.

The month of Iyar is a spiritually difficult month. It lacks the inspiration and glory of Nisan. We mourn the loss of falling from the heights of Nissan to the darkness of Iyar. But the commitment of the ox, the drive to achieve even in times of alienation, pushes us to stick with the Torah and do the mitzvot no matter how difficult. Hashem truly appreciates this hard work even more than the love and passion of Nissan. Then after all the hard work of Iyar, we enter Sivan, the month in which the Torah is given, when we connect as twins to our Father in heaven.

Prayer as a Weapon

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Hershel Reichman 

When Yaakov Avinu blessed his children, he said, “I took Shechem b’charbi u’vekashti,” with my sword and arrow. Targum Unkelos translates b’charbi u’vekashti as “b’tzeluti uvuati, meaning with my prayers and requests. Prayer is a powerful weapon

In Tehilim, King David, one of the greatest formulators of Jewish prayer, uses the term zemirot, from the root word zemer, a song. Zemer can also mean to cut with a sword or knife or to prune. A zemer is a song with a cutting edge. It can break through all obstructions that prevent us from achieving our goals. Whether it’s praying for redemption, health, or whatever other things we are lacking, there are tremendous barriers. Prayer is like a sword that can pierce right through. Nothing can withstand the power of prayer. Not only does it bring blessing, but it can cause miracles to happen. Nothing can stop prayer, which works above natural law.

Chazal say, “Afilu cherev chada munachat al tzavoro al tityaesh min harachamim.” Even if a sharp sword rests upon your neck, do not despair of Hashem‘s mercy. People at the brink of death have risen from their sickbed through the power of prayer. Prayer is a sword, a powerful weapon that Hashem gave to us.

In the Shemonei Esrei, we say three times daily, “Ki ata shomea tefilat amcha.” You listen to the prayers of your people. There’s no prayer that goes unanswered. Even if a person thinks he wasn’t helped, one day he will be. Moshe prayed 515 prayers to enter Eretz Yisrael. Although he himself did not merit to do so, his prayers weren’t in vain. Every Jew who entered the land after him, did so on the strength of his prayers.

How do I balance giving my son rebuke and elevating his self-esteem?

Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on Naaleh.com

Question:

My eight year old son often hurts his friends with words. I know he’s clearly acting out when he feels bad about himself. How do I balance giving rebuke and elevating his self-esteem?

 

Answer:

 

There are a few concrete things you can do.

 

Talk to him before or after he’s in the act, but not while he is acting out. Catch him when he’s available emotionally and tell him a thematic story. It could be about the animals in the barnyard who put down the weak horse or the new Russian boy in cheder who was excluded. You should convey the point that the good guy is the one who saves the persecuted ones.

 

Once he identifies with the good guy, then you can say, “I wish sometimes that I was like that.” Many times when I read about heroes in the Holocaust who saved hundreds of people I wish I could be like them, but of course we can only do what we can. At least we should never hurt anyone or call them stupid or clumsy. Then list all the words he says without him knowing that you are talking about him. It may not work right away, but it’s sure to enter his heart, even if he doesn’t give you any signs.

 

If you catch him stumbling again, you could tell him, “These are things we don’t say. They hurt people’s feelings.” He already knows from your stories that that’s what the bad guys do.   He may say, “Yes, but he really is stupid.” You could then respond, “That may be true, but how do your words make him feel? You’re supposed to try to make him feel good. This upsets him.”

 

If you’ve done the preliminary work, he’ll get the message.

Hilchot Shabbat: Havdala

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Shimon Isaacson

There is a disagreement among the Rishonim whether havdalah is d’orayta or d’rabbanan. The majority of Rishonim rule that it is d’orayta. Are woman obligated in havdalah? Is havdalah a mitzvah of Shabbat or of motzai Shabbat?

Since women are obligated in the negative commandments of shamor, they are also obligated in the positive commandments of zachor. According to the Rambam, havdalah is part of the mitzvah of Kiddush and women are obligated. According to the Orchot Chaim, women are only obligated in kiddush. Havdalah is a time bound mitzvah of motzai Shabbat from which woman are exempt. Based on this, the Rama rules that women should not make Havdalah for themselves.

Some Rishonim argue that although havdalah is d’rabbanan, women are still obligated because it was meant by the sages to be a part of the mitzvah of kiddush. The Mishna Berura cites the Bach who asks, if the Orchot Chaim is correct and woman aren’t obligated why can’t they make Havdalah anyway? In fact the Magen Avraham and the Bach rule that women can make havdalah. How then do we understand the Rama?

With havdalah there’s no maaseh (action). The blessing itself is the mitzvah. Therefore the Rama rules that women shouldn’t say it. Preferably, a man should intend to recite it for a woman when he says havdala for himself. The man should not say havdalah earlier because if in fact a woman isn’t obligated, he may be reciting it in vain. In principle, a woman is obligated and therefore if there’s no man the woman should say it herself.

The Biur Halacha questions whether a woman should say the blessing of Bori meorei haish since it is essentially a mitzvah of motzai Shabbat which women aren’t obligated in. Therefore, it may be an interruption between Borei Pri Hagefen and Havdalah. The common practice is that women do say Borei meorei haish.

There’s a Kabbalisticsource that mentions that women shouldn’t drink the wine of havdalah. Rav Meltzer explains that Borei meorei ha’aish may qualify as an interruption before Borei pri hagefen. Therefore, a woman shouldn’t drink the wine. However, the custom is that if she makes Havdalah for herself, she does drink from it.

Netivot Olam: Suffering In This World #12 part 2

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller

In Masechet Brachot, Reish Lakish says, “When a person busies himself with Torah, yissurim separates from him. In the evening the bird can go up.” This refers to Torah which lifts up one’s eyes. “And there is no evening like suffering,” as it says, “In the darkness of night.” Yissurim comes as a result of lack. It is meant to purify and galvanize change. Torah can elevate a person to the point where yissurim have no dominion over him. Torah is wholeness.

Rav Huna says in the name of Rav, “If a person sees yissurim coming upon him he should examine his deeds.” If he doesn’t find any personal flaws, he should assume it is because of bitul Torah. If it is not bitul Torah, then it is out of love, (not lack) as it says, “Hashem rebukes those whom he loves.” He wants to draw us closer, so He afflicts us. A person could suffer and not gain anything. He could choose to learn nothing and blame it all on external causes. Alternatively one can grow and view it as a catalyst for change.

Rav Yaakov Bar Idi and Rav Chana bar Chanina differed on their view of suffering. One said that any suffering that prevents a person from learning Torah cannot be yissurim shel ahavah (suffering out of love) for how can you turn someone on and then take away his ability to act upon it? The other says that if a person can still pray to Hashem and achieve deveikut (connection), it’s still yissurim shel ahavaha. Rav Chiya and other opinions maintain that even suffering where one cannot pray is an expression of Hashem’s love.

Suffering can be extrinsic in that it is a means towards actualizing potential. It also works intrinsically by purifying the body so that the soul becomes the person’s primary identity. This is learned from the law of shen v’ayin. A non-Jewish slave who loses a tooth or eye must be freed. If a slave can redefine himself as a free person through minor suffering, how much more so can a person whose entire body is afflicted with suffering become a different person.

The Torah commands us to add salt to a sacrificial offering. This is called brit melach. Similarly, yissurim are also called a covenant. Just as salt enhances food, yissurim sweeten sin by cleansing and purifying the person. Suffering humbles the body and atones for sins. It drives a person to begin thinking beyond physicality.

When a person cannot find any sin, it is bitul Torah, meaning he has unfulfilled potential that must be brought out. Yissurim puts a person on the fast track drawing out his untapped strengths.

Hashem doesn’t beat dead horses. There’s a vast difference between what a refined person and what a vulgar person can learn from suffering. For a tzaddik, it’s a sign of love. Yissurim expel the material side of a person and propel him higher.

Nobody longs for what they have. We long for what we don’t have. In order to generate this yearning, Hashem created barriers to prevent us from being who we are. When things are easy for us materially, we don’t think about spirituality because we are so involved in our physical self-fulfillment. Therefore, Hashem creates obstacles in the form of suffering to propel us to higher levels of spiritual yearning.