Do Married People Still Need Friends?

25 01 2011

Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on

Questions and Answers for Today's Jewish Woman, Part 14


What does Judaism say about friendship? Is my husband supposed to be my best and only friend? Although I have a good marriage, I find there are things I just can’t share with my husband, the way I used to with friends.


Our Sages say, “Oh chavruta oh mesuta,” either companionship or death. Your husband is the one person who can give you things on every level that no one else will ever give you. However, he definitely should not be your only friend. He does not want to listen to feminine chatter nor is he particularly interested in sharing his innermost feelings all the time.


Renew your old friendships. Make time for yourself. Go to a play, talk to your friends on the phone while you are doing laundry, straightening the house, or feeding the baby. The social chitchat, personal validation of emotions, experiences and girl talk are meant to be shared with your friends, not your husband.

Be careful though, not to cross lines or undervalue what your husband does give you. His loyalty, provision, intimacy, absolute caring, and commitment can never be filled by any friend no matter how close or understanding.




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