Are Your Friends Bringing You Down Spiritually?

18 06 2010

Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on


Must I stay in touch with a friend who I no longer have much in common with and who is not going in the same direction as I am? What if she values the friendship, while I don’t?  Sometimes this involves getting our families together for a Shabbat meal and they are not ideal company. I want to do the right thing even when my heart isn’t in it. What do you advise?

You have to consider your own life first. If she is negatively influencing you, for example, if she constantly speaks lashon hara, or is financially dishonest and is trying to make you more like her, you have to disengage yourself. If she’s simply uninteresting or emotionally draining, don’t walk away from the friendship. You have to realize that there’s hashgacha pratit involved in the fact that Hashem put the two of you together. There must be a way for you to learn and give in this relationship. Being above her spiritually, means you are probably her only tie to a more elevated existence. The more you do for others, the more you do for yourself. If Hashem put you in this position where you can positively impact your friend, you need to fill the role and give it your all.



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