Excerpted from Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Question and Answer series on Naaleh.com
Question:I constantly hear women asking how to keep inspired on Shabbat and Yom Tov when they have to meet the physical demands of marriage and a young family. I know so many single women, myself included, who would love to be married. We have ample free time to learn and daven but Yiddishkeit is built around the family. It is heartbreaking to be alone at these times. Even if I do get invited out, it’s still not my own family no matter how nice the hosts are. I know we have to have bitachon and accept that this is what Hashem wants at this time. Can you offer any other words of inspiration or encouragement?
When someone complains about something you personally don’t have, it’s like a dagger in your heart. When a childless woman hears a mother griping about her baby, or when a man who is unemployed listens to people complaining about the crowding on commuter trains, or when someone who is breaking his head over gemara and is just not getting it, hears people discussing the cons of an exclusive yeshiva or kollel, it’s not easy.
However, the problem here is really kinah, emotional dishonesty. Nobody knows what their purpose is in life is and what the moment holds. Someone else’s tools will not get you closer to your mission in life. If you’re single and Divine Providence led you to live far away from your family, then accept this as Hashem’s will and use the opportunity to develop yourself inwardly. Attaining a higher level of bitachon may be your entire purpose of living. Of course you can counter that your situation is unsatisfactory. Your feelings are completely natural, but call it by its right name, which is kinah. Accept that life is a process and it takes a long time to get past this midda. In fact, many people never succeed.
How do you begin? The Ibn Ezra tells a parable about a country yokel who went to the big city one day and caught sight of the princess during a parade. Would the yokel ever consider the princess his bashert? Of course not, because she lives in an entirely different world than he does. The Ibn Ezra says each person is a complete universe unto himself. No one else’s world has anything to do with your world. Look at your own universe and see what it offers. Open your eyes to the courage, self sufficiency, and deveikut that you could potentially develop and realize that for the moment this indeed is where you should be going.